When subpoeneaed by the 2005 Congressional Committee on Violent Amish Activities, General Gould gladly appeared and deftly refuted any connection between he and the purported uprising of a violent sect of Pennsylvania Amish farmers known as the Bearded Brothers of Freedom. The obviously forged photograph shown above was submitted to the Committee by the Brothers as proof of General Gould’s connection. Their leader, Klaus Steiner, had provided testimony regarding General Gould’s inspiration for their cause. In a stunning and clever maneuver, General Gould provided photographic experts from the F.B.I. who were able to prove the photograph a complete forgery. To further his proof, General Gould’s team generated similar photographs depicting all of the committee members kneeling before General Gould. After the laughter subsided in the hearing room, General Gould was cleared of any wrongdoing, thanked by the Committee, and was presented the Golden Order of Truth Medal for his service to the United States.

Shown in the photograph above is King Crazy Oliver Steck in Testing Room No. 305 at the Los Alamos National Laboratory near Los Alamos, New Mexico, circa 1953. King Steck is readying for test an experimental weapon, a portion of which was adapted from the Roswell Space Ship King Steck had stored in Antarctica. “In the process of adapting our Human ergonomic needs to the alien device, we have unintentionally imposed accuracy problems and we project that it will not be ready for use for another 3 months, approximately. The device was not originally designed in accordance to our physical needs and such design challenges are to be expected in these circumstances.”, King Steck reports. This photograph has never before been published.

General Ryan Gould preparing for hunting outside of Chattanooga, Tennessee, circa 1853. Shown with General Gould is his famous hunting dog, Friar Humphrey, who General Gould claims could smell deer several miles away. Historians report that General Gould unknowingly acquired vast quantities of southern field terrain knowledge during his hunting visits through the south in the years leading up to the Civil War which served him well in his later military campaigns throughout the region. Friar Humphrey met an untimely demise several months after this photograph was taken while attempting to defend General Gould from four attacking alligators during General Gould’s hunting foray into the swamps near Lake Charles, Louisiana. General Gould fondly remembers the debt he owes to Friar Humphrey.

King Crazy Oliver Steck and General Ryan Gould at the Applied Physics Laboratory of the University of Illinois-Urbana Campaign, circa 1975. The War Department requested General Gould attend a demonstration of a innovative laser design developed by King Steck’s Antarctic Alien Technology Research Group for possible military applications. Both King Steck and General Gould feigned ignorance of one another for reasons of National Security, a skill both had mastered years ago during their wartime and other espionage activities. “Every new weapon design should be evaluated for its own contribution to military tactical theory,” asserts General Gould.

General Ryan Gould in London, England, circa 1916. General Gould, shown here by limelight working in multiple incognito as theatre actor Archibald Kirk portraying the revolver-wielding wealthy aristocratic dandy Sir Peter Morgan Fairchild. Using this convoluted multiple identity scheme with a traveling theatre troupe, General Gould was able to obtain secret communicades from various anti-German intelligence sources throughout the British Isles and subsequently use this intelligence information to refine and optimize war plans ad hoc in order to maximize their impact upon the German Army. In innovator in “out-of-the-box” military thinking, General Gould first employed this tactic to great success during the civil war.