General Ryan Gould

General Ryan Gould

The world renown warrior and musician, General Ryan Gould, hails from Pennsylvania and retired from active duty at the close of the Civil War.Traditional Appalachian folklore places his discovery of the Fountain of Youth in Virginia during the Civil War and indicates he placed a sampling of its waters into hiding before the Fountain was accidentally destroyed and forever sealed by advancing Confederate Soldiers.General Gould has written numerous books regarding combat tactics which all still hold the Top Secret security classification and is the world’s foremost expert in the field. General Gould’s love for black eyed peas, which were unavailable in his native Pennsylvania during his early formative years, compelled him to relocate to the Republic of Texas at the close of the Civil War.

Tartan Purry

Tartan Purry

This hardy mountain climber from New Orleans, Louisiana has performed extensively with various Roma gypsy clans throughout southern France and is also known as the Oracle of Delphi. Tartan’s historic ascent to the crest of Mount Everest accompanied by his grandfather and their New Orleans brass band ensemble, an accomplishment that predates Sir George Mallory’s ascent by three years, is routinely omitted from modern history texts.J. Edgar Hoover’s declassified personal files conjecture that Tartans’s exchange of a fruit for a vegetable while cooking Aunt Ruby’s Funny Bubbles in 1956 ultimately led to what has come to be known as the “Hippie Movement” in the United States. There is presently no official record of Tartan’s comments regarding this matter.

 King Crazy Oliver Steck

King Crazy Oliver Steck

King Steck’s masterful trumpet tone has its origins in the spirited speakeasies of his native Chicago, Illinois. A naturally gifted Shakespearean actor and vaudevillian troubadour, King Steck’s legendary stage and cinema roles during the 1920’s and 1930’s, all performed under a pseudonym, captivated the civilized world and catalyzed the creation of the entertainment industry.King Steck single handedly developed public relations strategies and coordinated their execution with the United States Government when an alien spaceship crashed near Roswell, New Mexico in 1947. He also conceived of and discretely orchestrated the relocation of the purported Roswell alien spaceship debris to Antarctica for technological harvesting by the premier scientists of all first world nations.

Professor Joseph Cordi

Professor Joseph Cordi

Master craftsman, artisan, independent consultant, and certified blonde Italian, Professor Cordi has played for a multitude of political leaders and intellectuals on all continents and the seven seas. His historic voluminous recordings made at the fabulous Chateau de Bordeaux in the early 1930’s remain a highly sought afterand seldom seen commodity on the antiquities black market. Professor Cordi was also responsible for the very first

recording of Aunt Ruby’s Sweet Jazz Babies on magnetic tape captured from the Nazis during the Babies’ travels with the French Underground. That classic Babies recording has not been located to date. Professor Cordi endowed the Cordi Trust which routinely provides wood related consulting services to first world countries and educational institutions.

Frank Lee Devine

Frank Lee Devine

Mr. Devine was born in international waters off the coast of Galveston, Texas and raised by itinerate Romanian fishermen. Mr. Devine’s groundbreaking space vehicle research with the U. S. Government has earned him world acclaim as a scientist and an engineer. Although sought after by world leaders, rapscallions, and various thrill seekers, Mr. Devine lives quietly in a secluded hillside bungalow

on the outskirts of Austin, Texas and periodically consults for the United States Government. His public appearances are limited to those involving his research interests and musical activities.